Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Rejected Bailout Provisions

After releasing the finalized list of provisions for the $700 billion financial rescue plan, Senate and House Democratic leaders spoke of many of the rejected provisions.
"In the interest of bipartisan peace, we tried only to ask for the necessities," said Senator Dodd (D-Ct), "we are trying to hold Wall Street accountable for as little as possible".


Examples of rejected provisions:

- Every Wall Street office should have a "cuss jar". When any employee cusses, they must put a dollar in the jar. Proceeds go towards repaying the bailout.

- When a C.E.O. makes a poor investment, $1 million of his or her severance package will automatically be donated to the U.S. Government.

- First born children of Financial Company C.E.O.s must be named "Freddie Mac" if the child is a boy, "Fannie Mae" if the child is a girl.

- Fundraising attempts will be made through the publicized fights of Brokers with a recently captured Grizzly Bear to be named "Bear Stearns". Proceeds to go to paying off debt to China.

- Time-outs in the "naughty corner" will be strictly administered if any dissention is heard.

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